Portrait of Someone from A Dream

I noticed the first verification of my healing mind through a dream one night.

Somehow I knew their name was Alessi. Their gaze disarmed me — their light green eyes gained a celestial quality as they pursed their lips and gently tucked their hair behind their ear. When we kissed I was enveloped in an incredible warmth. It was inconceivable that any amount of anything would ever satiate our mutual longing for each other. We didn’t speak or stop to look at each other; this was all we needed. And yet, it didn’t feel like an empty satisfaction of our carnal desires. It felt like there was something more, like our deepest wills had manifested this situation and were now conjoined, never to separate again. It felt as if we both had found what every inkling of our minds had ever wanted, whether we realized it or not. The feelings I experienced that night could not be compared to anything I had experienced in the past. What I felt that night was something that had been planned long ago by my second mind; it was something that only a very privileged few get to experience, and yet, for me, it was inevitable. 

That night, something grew inside of me. 

—

The dream about Alessi gained more nuance as I pondered it further. A dream that affects one so deeply must surely have a larger meaning. I was drawn toward this mystery person in a mystical way — as such, I devised a special plan. I’d draw my dream person as I best knew how, and then I was sure to have a more structured idea of who they really were. This would be hard to do, as I only remembered some key details, and the rest of them manifested as feelings and swirls of color. I recalled a rousing danger in the form of a steely silver ring and, within it, a thick sensation of relief.

In order to learn how to draw a human face, you must first learn how to draw a skull. After you have mastered the skull, you may move on to the muscles and tendons. Only thereafter may you draw the skin. It is a three-step process, incredibly tough in nature, but I didn’t need to be perfect — I just needed to find them. I learned all the peaks and crevices of the human skull and, as my pen scratched and glided over the paper, I appreciated the menacing beauty of that face even more. The glamorous cheekbones that caused the appearance of their hollow cheeks, the delicateness of the chin and the valiant jaw that accentuated their small lips. I wished I’d been born centuries ago. I’d have sat for hours looking into the skull’s hollow eyes, imagining the face it used to be. Since I wouldn’t desire to even move a muscle, this scene would be painted by Frans Hals and hundreds of years later the painting would arrive at a Museum of Art in Spain, where crowds would gather and speak about the myth of the man who fell in love with a skull.

Muscles gave the face a more lively look, and I could now see a bit more of Alessi. I understood exactly which movements manifested all their memorable expressions.

 The physical form of a human is made up of three layers — those that I have already named. I was madly in love with all three of Alessi’s layers. However, there is a fourth that is essential to each and every human: that of the mind. I was scared of this one in Alessi, but when I got past that cold, steely, silver ring, I forgot all about it — that was it, I was theirs. 

It must be obvious now that, at this point, I was convinced that the person from my dream was real. After weeks of staying up late with dry, tired eyes, a vile stench permeating through the walls of my room and a rash, frangible shaking in my hands, I was done. I held up the drawing, convinced that it was the person from the dream.

Their emerald eyes seemed to cast a green tint on mine and their white-gold hair was as precious as I remembered. Their steely callousness was there, and so was their disarming embrace. Dark, heavy lines caressed their jaw, and a mischievousness was produced from their playful lips. 

 —

My involvement in the arts and my continuous thoughts about the person from my dream seemed to have brought my health to the best condition it had been in all winter. My headaches ceased and, though I was still not able to perform any sort of exercise, the aching in my joints took on a weaker presence when I walked around my apartment.

My guilt faded slightly, as my thoughts were preoccupied with a perennial excitement — the passing of each and every second was a reward, as it brought me closer to my dream person. It brought me closer to Alessi. It was an amazing feeling, a joy of life, a gratefulness for the passing of time! A sensation like that has got to be the greatest treasure life can ever give. A pleasure conceived from something that is unending and instantaneous; with every second came a renewal of my elation!

A pleasure of this nature makes man an empty shell. The search for pleasure is our sole drive in life. Without it, man is unmoving — that simply can’t be. All of life, from the time of its genesis, is meant to lead somewhere. Every living being, from the beginning of creation to the end of time, has a purpose it must fulfill in order for life to go on, and all of these actions intertwine. I, by somehow achieving a pleasure that shouldn’t exist in the mortal world, lost the motivation to fulfill my purpose. Thus, I threatened to throw into disarray this perennial system. 

Yes… maybe that was my great misfortune.