My Love Affair with Horoscopes
It all began with my best friend Chloe’s 8th birthday party. It was the quintessential birthday party sleepover, except for the main attraction: her grandmother, Jane, who happens to be a psychic. As an immature seven-year-old, I was immediately intrigued with the prospects of knowing my future. I have also grown up in a household full of superstitions, like burning sage every year to get rid of bad spirits (I had to fight my dad to not sage my dorm freshman year), so I have never been afraid of knowing my future or anything about the world beyond our own. After an extensive reading of my palm, Jane asked me to pull three random cards out of a deck. I pulled two black cards and one red. Based on those three cards, Jane predicted I would have an accident in the upcoming months that would alter the course of my summer. 2 months later I fell off a diving board and had to have stitches, ~woah~. When the doctors told me I would need stitches, I immediately yelled to my mom, “Jane was right!” I continue to see Jane once a year.
When I tell people this story, the most common reaction is a long, drawn out eye roll indicating they think I am ridiculous and unbelievably gullible. Yes, I understand this is not everyone’s cup of tea, but as someone who is an obsessive planner, knowing what a month or year holds for me has become extremely comforting. The next question that follows the extreme eye roll is: “so what, you read the Cosmo daily horoscope every day, how accurate could that be?” And finally, it is my time to shine and gloat about my love affair with horoscopes.
During my freshman year of high school, major publications such as The Atlantic, Vogue and New York Magazine raved about Susan Miller of Astrology Zone, who on the first day of each month, writes an extensive (at least 1,000 words) about the month ahead for each astrology sign. Here an excerpt from my latest November horoscope for Virgos:
“Shopping for electronics is always a no-no during Mercury retrograde (and I would not buy anything two weeks before either, meaning from December 5 onward, shopping for these items is out). You would be wise to put those items on the top of your list this month. If you run out of time by December 5, you can buy gift certificates for family and friends, but be sure you buy those certificates from a retailer that you know your recipient orders from regularly. Nothing is worse than getting a gift certificate from a store you would not want to shop in. Once you choose your gift certificate, photocopy the back of the card so you have the bar code and number under the code, and put the person’s name on the photocopy. If that person loses the card, you can get a new one instantly.”
With this short paragraph, I have become aware of one of the most important aspects of astrology -- Mercury in retrograde. For all the horoscope newbies, when Mercury is in retrograde due to its position, it can cause havoc in multiple aspects of your life - ESPECIALLY electronics. If I have learned anything from Susan Miller, it is not to buy an electronic during Mercury in retrograde. Last year, I refused to buy a new phone for 3 months, even though it had a cracked screen, because Mercury was in retrograde. I also should note my best friend bought her phone while Mercury was in retrograde and she has had a slew of issues with her new phone.
One of the most important aspects of reading horoscopes is understanding that there is absolutely no way, me and the millions of virgos throughout the world, even though we are the best sign, are going to have the same month of December. There are more than enough times when Susan says things that have absolutely nothing to do with me (all last year she told me it was a great time to get engaged, yet I’m still single...thanks Susan), but I have grown to love horoscopes nonetheless. Whether it is the thrill I get knowing I have a couple golden days in the month of January, or that hardships will soon come, the horoscopes I read have given me comfort when other things seem to fail.
I know it is not for everyone, nor should it be, but I will always believe in it. In the future, I hope to find a tarot card reader to add to my arsenal of Susan and Jane. But, it is so important to know where to stop. If I really need a new phone, I am going to get it while Mercury is in retrograde--no matter what Susan tells me.